I trust you

Even though I have questions. Even though I am hurting. Even though I am disappointed, I trust You! 

I trust that You love me. You are my Vindicator. You will set the records straight. Even though people might have been blinded by their own glasses or fears or whatever other issues, You will set the record right if there is a need to. 

And if I don't see the record being set right, doesn't mean You are not doing anything. Doesn't mean I am not good enough. 

I AM good enough. You love me. I AM Your Masterpiece, Your Handiwork, Beautifully crafted and made. 

And You WILL teach me to love the people that You made - believers or not yet believers. 

You Will bring my husband to me. You DO have a husband who will love me for who I am and accept me for how I am. 

I don't know if Melvin was a setup by the devil or You and why it didn't work out or if we are really wrong for each other or there is work we both need to work on that's why we had clashed so early on. 

Whatever it is, I KNOW that if it is in Your plans for us to be together, You WILL bring us back together again. And by YOUR GRACE this time it WILL work. We WILL know how to love and respect one another. 

I KNOW You KNOW my disappointments, You FEEL my hurts and pains and You HAVE provided comfort to me. You are providing encouragement to me. And You ARE helping me overcome the unuseful mindsets and habits that's hurting the people around me - friend or stranger. 

I AM loveable, lovely, kind, gentle and fun to be with. I AM worth the efforts of a man sacrificing his time and pursuing me. 

I AM WORTH it! 

Thank You Jesus, for loving me, for dying for me, for taking my sins and illnesses on Your body and dying on the cross. 

Painful peaceful

It's painful cos it's another disappointment. Nothing to do with the person. It's my disappointment that just hurts cos the chatter seems to say "I am useless" "I always stuff up" "see, no point trying cos I never succeed". "Just give up" "You are never going to find a mate" "God can't find anyone who would take you". 

Yes it was a disappointment. Yes it feels like the end of the world and I messed up again. 

But I know I am not where I used to. I am better now at communicating. Still not where I want to be but God's grace will provide me the wisdom and the tenacity for it to eventually totally be a fact. 

Also, messing up doesn't mean that I am useless. It just means that I did not succeed this time. 

There will be another next time. God is not going to forsake me and give up on me just because I didn't behave the way that I should have. There's no should haves for God. He loves me just the way I am. He created me. He knew of the mess that I would make. He still loves me. 

And I know He has someone for me. Maybe I am not ready so I can't see the person. Maybe the person is not ready so he can't see me. But He HAS someone for me and at the right time we will meet. We may have challenges but He will help ha overcome them. By Hia grace we shall have favour with one another. 

Not sure why Melvin was introduced into my life. But I'm sure He has His reasons and I might realise it later or never. Whatever it is, my only prayer is that I get over the why and learn the what that God wants me to learn. 

Praise Jesus that His presence is all around. 

Yes I can see God reaching out to me. Drawing me to Him. Comforting me. 

Thanks You Jesus.