Painful peaceful

It's painful cos it's another disappointment. Nothing to do with the person. It's my disappointment that just hurts cos the chatter seems to say "I am useless" "I always stuff up" "see, no point trying cos I never succeed". "Just give up" "You are never going to find a mate" "God can't find anyone who would take you". 

Yes it was a disappointment. Yes it feels like the end of the world and I messed up again. 

But I know I am not where I used to. I am better now at communicating. Still not where I want to be but God's grace will provide me the wisdom and the tenacity for it to eventually totally be a fact. 

Also, messing up doesn't mean that I am useless. It just means that I did not succeed this time. 

There will be another next time. God is not going to forsake me and give up on me just because I didn't behave the way that I should have. There's no should haves for God. He loves me just the way I am. He created me. He knew of the mess that I would make. He still loves me. 

And I know He has someone for me. Maybe I am not ready so I can't see the person. Maybe the person is not ready so he can't see me. But He HAS someone for me and at the right time we will meet. We may have challenges but He will help ha overcome them. By Hia grace we shall have favour with one another. 

Not sure why Melvin was introduced into my life. But I'm sure He has His reasons and I might realise it later or never. Whatever it is, my only prayer is that I get over the why and learn the what that God wants me to learn. 

Praise Jesus that His presence is all around. 

Yes I can see God reaching out to me. Drawing me to Him. Comforting me. 

Thanks You Jesus.