Defeat

There is so much inside that I want to say, complain, share, let out. But who can I say them to?

Jesus already knows about it. Every time I go for my walks/runs, I cry to Him. I dont know what else to do.

I just dont want to feel all the pain, hurts, disappointments and regrets anymore.

I know Jesus is in control. I know God is bigger than all the mistakes I have made and many others that I have yet to make. I know He has great plans for me and love me heaps, to have saved me so many times from ending my life.

Jesus, how do I get out of all of this? How can I have all my past erased so I dont feel the pain anymore? How can I look forward and move forward as I am meant to?

I feel so defeated.